The Mailbox: An Unexpected Trigger


Hey mama, I want to give you a heads up – especially if you’re just starting your grief journey. Your postal carrier is soon going to be your least favorite person. I’m sure they’re lovely and I know they’re just doing their job, but there are times when they will send you into such a spiral of grief with no warning at all.

Since we found out we were finally expecting our little Mina, I’ve received countless pieces of baby related mail. You know how it goes. You buy some clothes at Motherhood and sign up for the free magazines and coupons. You start your registry. You pin some things to your baby board on Pinterest. Suddenly you’re on every baby mailing list in existence.

Unfortunately, when the very worst happens, the mailings don’t stop. There isn’t some notification that goes out to tell companies that you don’t need those formula coupons anymore. That getting the catalogue of adorable baby clothes will make you cry sitting on your kitchen floor. You’ll be having an okay day and suddenly the rug is pulled out from under you with no warning.

Apparently, even your own insurance company doesn’t get the memo. I got this letter in the mail on April 13th – almost 2 months since our daughter had passed away from complications of prematurity.

I promise I’m aware that preemies don’t always get a great start in life. Thanks, Aetna.

Since Mina has been gone for almost five months now, I thought maybe the mailings had stopped, but just today I got this in the mail:

Oh, right. If Mina hadn’t been a preemie, I would probably be going back to work in a couple of weeks. I might be thinking about formula as our schedule changed. And just like that I fell down the rabbit hole of what if’s and why’s and tears. Thanks, mailman.

My husband has taken it upon himself to find the contact numbers for these companies – the magazines, the catalogs, the formula companies – and calls to tell them to remove us from the mailing list. I think he looks at it as something he can do to help. It’s hard for him knowing there was nothing he (or anyone) could do to save our daughter, so this is something he can take on to protect us from unexpected grief triggers.

I definitely recommend trying to get off the mailing lists as soon as possible. Do you have a friend or family member that is always asking what they can do? Hand them a stack of mailings and ask them to make it stop. Your loved ones want to take your pain away, but we all know they can’t. They can help in this way though and they’ll feel good that they were able to do something too.

And just know that if you’re crying on the floor over the Carter’s catalog, it’s okay. I’ve been there. I’m almost positive every loss mom has been there. You’re not alone and we’re here for you.


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Amy says:

    I got a call from Babies R Us about my registry while in the hospital after giving birth to my stillborn son. It’s horrible!


    1. Stephanie DeMarco says:

      Oh my gosh, Amy. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I really wish there was an easy way to make it all stop. Hugs.


  2. Brittany says:

    I’ve had a few days where the mail was my enemy. The one day the Carter’s catalog came and on the front cover was a little boy with a shirt that said “Little Brother” and I completely lost it. Then a box of formula samples came in the mail. Instead of bringing it to the door the mailman decided to jam the package in my mailbox. Not only did I hurt from seeing the formula I had to stand there for awhile yanking the box out.


    1. Stephanie DeMarco says:

      I’m so sorry, Brittany. I’ve had those exact experiences and it’s just awful. Hopefully all the mailings stop soon!


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