I wrote a post recently on Letters to Jonah about healing, and about what that word means to me. I feel like it’s important, so I’m sharing it here!
In the post, I talked about how I’ll never be “healed,” but there are certain things that I can do that feel like healing – that make the pain just a little less raw, that help me feel hope and joy, that help me live life while grieving.
From Letters to Jonah:
At first, everything is a chore. Making yourself food, going grocery shopping, and just getting up in the morning is difficult. However, you start having these moments where you feel something other than intense sadness. Maybe you glance up at the sunset and notice once more that the world is beautiful. Maybe you pick up a book about pregnancy loss and it makes you cry, but it also gives you hope and helps you see how not alone you are in this. Maybe you get in a bubble bath and feel really relaxed, for the first time in a while. Maybe you binge on an entire season of a good show on Netflix. Whatever it is, if it makes you feel something other than sadness in your heart, that, to me, is healing.
Healing after losing a baby comes in short moments. Every little piece of healing feels like a tiny piece of the hole in my heart is forming a scab, where before there was bleeding. It’ll never completely scab over entirely, and the pieces that are scabbed still aren’t back to “normal”. That will never happen. My heart will always be wounded. Each little moment of healing, though, helps me move toward feeling mostly love for Jonah, instead of sadness. Healing is love shining through pain.
Peaceful moments of reflection are healing for me. Whether they happen while I’m writing, reading, taking a bubble bath, walking, crafting, Instagramming within the loss mom community, or just sitting quietly, moments where I can acknowledge and feel my deep love for Jonah are healing. I feel connected to him, and to myself, and to love.
What does healing mean for you?